This point gets lost a lot here. My When you notice physical attraction, it is a sign she may be interested in you. If youve moved beyond spouse, child, or parent (FMLA does recognize that there are people who can stand in loco parentis without being actual parents), youre not covered by FMLA on the federal level. Anything from speculating on a colleagues sexual orientation to making a relatively indirect comment like, Oh, to be a newlywed again, plants a permanent seed in the brains of all who hear it that casts you in a negative light. If your gut is telling you that she only wants to be work buddies with you, dont risk your professional reputation (or hers) by making any advances. Trouble is, you cant build a strong professional network if you dont open up to your colleagues. If she has started telling you about her dating life, or what her parents were like growing up, she is showing you that she feels safe with you. That is incredibly intrusive and uncalled for. She only called me into her office to tell me that she knew I was telling other employees I'm unhappy. If you are doing well, people can get jealous. What's ironic is that when my teammates and I talked about the way our company's culture is degrading, they complained more than I did. If things get so bad at your workplace that you can't safely talk about much beyond the weather, that's a sure sign it's time to go! Treat it as such. The EAP is completely confidential, is very clear up front about what information they gather/store and why, and they will not share your information with anyone except in very limited situations (for example, if you disclose something that is a threat to someones safety or wellbeing, or if there is a statutory obligation (e.g. 12 Virtuous Signs Your Coworker Cares About You - TBW - The Chances are, based your description, that there will be a lot of sharing opportunities This is a good time to share your feelings about being private and that you find it really uncomfortable when people pry into things that you dont want to share. How private are you about your personal life at work? : Turned out I was having a gas attack, I have a ha-ital hernia. Do you mind if we dont discuss it? Mrs Ploppy: Thats what I mean, Sir. Or whatever. When they are attracted to you, in a romantic and sincere way, you sense that you are wanted, needed, and special. Thats already horrible. As Amy notes, Federal law often gives an employer the right. how can I get better at spotting talent in people different than me? Because if they cared so much, they would already be IN the loop and not be asking at work, when work matters should be discussed, not home-life matters. Nobody wants that! I am friendly and gregarious, but people at work are potential future employers or potential subordinates and no matter how hard you try, you can't maintain professional relationships that are Mom/Sis/Cousin Its would be mortified if I shared any details, sorry. Does that work? If You Dont Have Anything Nice to Say, Dont Be a Reference If you are doing well, people can get jealous. Ive witnessed said pushy coworkers discuss intimate details with other coworkers. Or, more sarcastically, if youd like us to be a family, then how come you keep most of the money? However, I have told my friend who is super private that sometime you have to play the game in order to not alienate yourself. So I think I made the right decision the first time! For the record I did provide my colleagues slightly more info than what I provided in the letter (just in case my coworkers read this blog too!) No more second-guessing, no more ending up in the friend zone for him. The problem here isnt that the OP is being cold or not understanding other peoples personalities; the problem is that their workplace has terrible boundaries. Thats a good sign because she is paying attention to you! is. The problem is that this involves the manager in the employees life in a way that can cause favoritism. It seems like sharing is central to their culture (or at least the CEO), and they havent responded to the OPs pretty clear communication. How REI And Mattel Fuel Innovation With Diversity, Equity, And Inclusion, One-Quarter Of Workers Plan To Leave: Keep Gen Z By Knowing Them, How CAE Is Set To Transform The Aviation Industry, Suburbia's Renaissance In The Age Of Flexible Work, The Symphony Of Remote Work Is In The Culture, Jon Lindsay Phillips Pioneers Novel Public Relations Agency, PhillComm, What Business Leaders Need To Learn From Harrison Ford And Other Older Workers. Just that we have professional therapists and counselors on staff, and I think theres a clear line between their jobs and mine. Personal bios can be a great way to find out more about the person behind a website or an article. Thank you.. Trust me. WebI tell my coworkers as little about me as possible. ), and I have the feeling that he thinks Im weird. Ive changed my mind. The culture was great 17 months ago when you started. As much as I could I kept my regular schedule in order to keep some sort of order during an otherwise chaotic time but there were times when I needed to be out without much notice because a specialist was available or because Id been up late at the ER so everyone knew, in general, that I was dealing with a family medical crisis. Written by someone who gave birth and was upset that the boss didnt ask how she was doing? Crossing this line will instantly give you a bad reputation. He is more confident now than ever that his dating game is strong. They will surely want to maintain some aspects of that one life, while drawing lines between personal and professional where it suits them. Well your questions are upsetting to me. When you open up to someone, you run the risk of being rejected or judged. I have chronic medical issues and get curious people sometimes. Theyre going to respond with I just care about you/them or something else that they think makes them look like the altruistic hero. Wasnt. But there is a difference between a fake smile and a real one. How to get coworkers to stop asking me questions about Like much of the other advice above, it can also be helpful to share something vague and thank them for their concern. While getting personal at work can sometimes be challenging, the right attitude and some proven get-to-know-you questions can get the process moving in the right direction. Here are ten things never, ever to tell your coworkers: 1. Theres an upcoming mandatory team-building event that Im dreading because all of them will be there and will probably take this opportunity to pile it on and team up with showing me their concern over me and my family members health. Although if thats not the case here, I hope OP can find a good way to shut down the questions for good! If you ditch the idea that people are all good or purely evil and think about fear and trust instead, it becomes easier to understand what is going on in your company. So my take is this: not only do they want information that isnt any of their business, not only are they (knowingly) making the OP uncomfortable, they seem to think they are ENTITLED to the private health information of a coworker and the coworkers family. Thank you for asking, and we are hopeful that the recovery will go well and we will be back to 100% shortly or he really doesnt like to talk about the medical details, but thank you so much for your concern! or there are good days and bad days but its getting better, thanks for checking in! (or whatever works that sounds like you are sharing but doesnt actually say anything specific) rinse & repeat with slightly different phrasing and it will sound like you are sharing when really you arent saying anything at all. If thats the case, they have already been extremely generous toward OP. I agree with you. I just got some I hope everything is okay! and that was it. However, if youre looking to get involved with a coworker, there are definitely many things to consider, such as avoiding professional conflict. Political opinions are so deeply ingrained in people, that challenging their views is more likely to get you judged than to change their mind. All the pressure is on the OP to figure out if they are asking as the CEO, as HR, or as a friend, and what information would be appropriate or necessary to give. A subtle way to tell that a female coworker likes you is if she is constantly going out of her way for you and bringing you little things. 6. Helping new employees feel more comfortable and part of the team. [they ask again] So, a U.S. company legally doesnt have to allow someone to take a leave of absence or time off to care for a cousin or a friend. Could it be the problem wasnt you didnt share personal info, but more you didnt like the people you worked with and that was apparent? What next? My boss got pushy about what type of surgery and I informed her that my mother does not like me sharing her medical appointments at work. We used to look forward to bringing our whole self to work. I dont want the sweat bees (thank you Snark, for that apt comparison, haha) hovering around me for intel. (In fact, wasnt there a letter recently similar to that? As the organization gets bigger, it becomes harder for leadersto maintain their trust in themselves trust that would allow them to stay human and prevent your vibrant startup from becoming excessively buttoned-down and corporate. Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. Mother Teresa. Keep your boundaries up -repeat your phrases kindly but firmly. Feed the beast something you dont care about, so you can protect the things you do care about. I don't think it's relevant. Start brushing up that resume. WebUpdated Apr 12, 2018, 11:29 AM PDT When your coworkers like you, everything becomes easier. There will always be incompetent people in any workplace, and chances are that everyone knows who they are. Your political beliefs Peoples political beliefs are too closely tied to their identities to be discussed without incident at work. I can recommend the program, or if necessary I can formally refer someone. If somebody needs that kind of support, thats where they go. Make it something difficult to prove or disprove (like a fake uncle no ones ever going to meet). Years ago I had a coworker tell me Weve all been here so long we have no lives, and so we have no choice but to try to suck the life out of you.. 12 Virtuous Signs Your Coworker Cares About Im sorry your coworkers are not respecting your boundaries. Mind you, when I divulged when our second child was being born because I NEEDED to take a day off to be at the hospital, he apparently freaked out the day I was gone, wondering where I was because he had forgotten about the day off that I had requested and approved over a month prior. In addition, young women find family-oriented men more attractive precisely because they think they are more communal and better parents. Updated August 12, 2022 Getting to know the people in your workplace can benefit you and your coworkers.